Unknown-4There used to be a dreaded moment every year, when I’d tear off the page of my inspirational desk calendar to reveal the month of February. Don’t get me wrong, February can be an awesome time of the year. After all, it’s when we celebrate Black History Month and when we honor two of the founding fathers of our nation on President’s Day. While that’s kind of a big deal, for years I struggled with a particular date in the middle of the month, when everyone else around me seemed excited about Valentine’s Day. They were buying gifts, exchanging sappy Hallmark cards, and preparing for an evening with that special someone —complete with dinner, flowers and chocolates — all supposedly leading to a phenomenal night of hot romance.

Talk about pressure! If I had someone special in my life at the time, I had to be sure to plan carefully so that I could increase my chances of experiencing the kind of romantic evening that the greeting card companies promised me I deserved. And, if I wasn’t in a relationship with the love of my life, the fact that there would be no gifts or cards waiting for me seemed like an announcement to the world that I was a hopeless loser. Deep in my heart, I knew I was anything but that. images-5

A few lonely holidays got me pondering about the most important relationships in my life. After a lot of contemplation, I realized there were really three critical relationships to pay attention to: my relationship with myself; the relationship I share with those I love; and my relationship with my work. That epiphany changed my life and it might just make a difference in yours too. Since the big “V Day” is looming, I’d like to discuss the first two relationships because they are so critical to making love last.

Learning to Know Yourself

With all of the emphasis on having a date for Valentine’s Day, I realized that the one person I could always count on for company was myself. I actually enjoyed time with my own thoughts and hobbies, so I learned to use that time to better understand myself. Just what were my passions, I asked myself? How did I want to express them in my life and my relationships? And what kind of person (from a passion perspective) would make an ideal mate for me? Back then, I hadn’t yet conceived the idea of passion archetypes, but what a huge help they would have been on my journey to learning who I was!

Later, my research helped me gain insight into the 10 Passion Archetypes operating in all of us. They are: Creator, Conceiver, Discoverer, Processor, Teacher, Connector, Altruist, Healer, Transformer and Builder. Discovering which are your top three passions and learning about their strengths and vulnerabilities is where you gain the greatest awareness about your “passionality” and the deepest appreciation for the environments, people and situations that can best contribute to your happiness. It’s some of the most important knowledge you can have about yourself, especially if you want to have a successful relationship with someone else.


Now that I know I’m a Builder/Transformer/Healer, I better appreciate what I can bring to the party and what I need from another in a romantic relationship. My Builder passion makes me a goal seeker, with the (sometimes relentless) drive to achieve what can seem to others to be the impossible. Likewise, I enjoy and thrive in change because of my Transformer passion. When others crave stability, I’m busy thinking about how to stir things up, especially if they seem too status quo for me. I’m not happy when I’m required to do things the same way day in and day out. I need to keep life edgy and interesting, or I get bored, and that’s usually when I get myself into trouble by trying to change something that should be left alone. Not every simmering pot needs to be stirred, I’ve learned.

My Healer passion has been both my greatest gift and my biggest Achilles’ heel, especially in love matters. The Healer in me makes me deeply empathetic and strongly motivated to shepherd others through their own pain and difficulties. If I’m not vigilant about managing the vulnerability of my passion, I can easily take on someone else’s problems as my own and run myself ragged trying to resolve them. Because I’m a Healer, I can be more susceptible to collecting people who seem to need “fixing”, thus setting myself up for a long slog through their emotional challenges, with little attention being paid to my own needs. Healer is a wonderful passion, but left unchecked, it can be a recipe for burnout. Time alone allowed me to realize that developing mastery over both my passion strengths and vulnerabilities was key to me being the best person possible for someone else. And why? Because I would then be operating as my best self, and there is no more attractive aphrodisiac than that.


Being In Relationship

Unknown-1  As I began working with the passion archetypes, I developed a deeper appreciation for how crucial it is to understand the passions of someone with whom you’re romantically involved. Not that knowing another’s passions isn’t important in every relationship you have, but being in a romance ratchets up the stakes in a big way. After all, this could be the person that you potentially choose to spend your life with, so understanding all of their nuances could make the difference between a relationship that thrives and one that fails. Wouldn’t it be great if all first dates included a pre-screening for passion archetypes? Then at least you’d know more about what you’re really getting into and you’d have a language to help the other person learn about you. Plus, it would eliminate all of that awkward searching around for something to say at dinner between the appetizer and main course!

So, if you have an important date on February 14th, and especially if you don’t, I’ve put together a list of the passion archetypes and what they most need from a romantic partner. This may be the most valuable gift that cupid could ever deliver. Happy Valentine’s Day!

If This is Your Passion Archetype

You Need This in Your Romantic Partner



They enjoy artistic endeavors and support you in pursuing your own form of art; they appreciate that when you’re in a creative space, you need the freedom to pursue your inspiration.

They have the ability to keep up with your intellectual curiosity and “out of the box” way of thinking. They demonstrate a willingness to challenge your ideas and engage in healthy debate.
  ICON DISCOVERER They appreciate your desire to search for truth. When you are doggedly pursuing answers and information, they understand that your preoccupation with the question at hand will sometimes consume you, but it doesn’t mean that they are not important to you as well.


They appreciate order and precision. You enjoy planning things out carefully and they know where you draw the line between spontaneity and recklessness.


You love sharing knowledge and they love learning. They willingly exchange information with you and really listen to your insights. When you overwhelm them with too much information, they gently and appreciatively let you know.


Like you, they enjoy spending time with others, and thrive in bringing people and ideas together. When it comes to negotiating, they are your go-to partner.


Your strong sense of right and wrong is one that they share. Like you, they appreciate the importance of serving the higher good.


They value your incredible ability to deeply connect with the pain others are experiencing and your commitment to helping resolve it. At the same time, they support you by reminding you to guard against overextending yourself. They act as your “Healer”.


They enjoy the energy of change and evolution that you bring to the relationship. Like you, they are willing to try new things and visit new places. They look at life as an adventure to be experienced.


They are a huge supporter of the goals you seek and a source of ongoing encouragement. When you encounter a stumbling block, instead of looking at it as a failure, they work with you to overcome it so that your journey towards the goal can continue. At the same time, they help you balance the value of the goal with the costs required to achieve it.

Discover Your Passions by Taking the Passion Profiler Today!